In response to the title of this post, I don’t know.
I’ve lost her. Or at least that is how I feel these days.
I haven’t blogged since January. I’ve not written in ages.
I’ve been so busy with all the political work with which I’m involved, everything else has been pushed over to a blurry peripheral. I feel like I’m doing good and there are aspects of it I love. There are also things about it I despise.
I feel angry some of the time. Frustrated with myself. Pissed off that I’ve stopped working out and allowed my body to lose many of the gains I had been making.
And now, my health is freaking me out a little bit. All the stress and anxiety from the last couple months has caught up with me and now I’m paying for it. I’m working to relax, reclaim my personal space and started working out again. I am praying that is all it will take to get my body – my heart – if that is the issue – back to where it was. I know I should see a doctor—and I will—just not yet. I want to see if I can remedy this myself this week. My husband is off this week, I’ve shut my phone off, I’ve been limiting time on the computer and iPad. I’m reading and trying to nourish my soul and my mind – as well as my body.
I need to sit out on the deck and read poetry.
Gosh, when is the last time I wrote poetry? Well, right after the miscarriage…but I cannot read that right now. The last time I really woke has been several years. The muse has been absent…far too absent.
I miss her. I miss me.
I need to get her back.