Tough Realizations

Every once in a while, in the midst of hurt and sadness emerges an understanding about the situation that helps to clarify things and put it all into perspective. It does not exactly alleviate the pain but it is a source of comfort.

I’ve always been sort of a loner. I have a lot of friends but not one best friend.  I never have. I was always the token friend – the one kept at the perimeter until needed, kind of like the pack of tissues one carries around in case they need it. It’s not a bad thing. I learned to accept it a long time ago. My mom is the same way. We are the ones who patch things up when other friends fight. We are the ones who are there to listen and lend a hand if need be. But we aren’t the first people go to unless they need something from us. We are often overlooked and taken for granted. It’s just the way it  is. If you are the yes person – life is grand. You are loved! All is swell until you have to say no or can’t do something as planned. Then, you are dropped like a hot potato. So much for understanding, right?

Sometimes it isn’t the most wonderful position in which to be. Sometimes it downright sucks. It can be lonely and frustrating.

A recent situation is making me question a friendship and whether I care to continue with it or just walk away. Part of me thinks, the hell with them, I don’t need this. The other part of me says, it’s just the way things are. They aren’t exactly toxic, they are just lacking in the basic manners and social proprieties I was brought up with. This is who they are and they won’t change. Obviously they need to feel important and special or they would not feel threatened and act as they are acting.

What I realized here thought, is that people like my mom and I are the ones who are tough enough to handle it. We are the ones who can take it and not be broken by it. People have dumped their crap on us time and time again but we survive. We deal with it and move on. It doesn’t mean we aren’t hurt because after all, we are human. But it does mean we can handle situations that would be far more difficult on others. We stew for a moment and then we take a deep breath and go about our day focusing on things that are far more important. I would much rather be on the periphery – right where I am.

I know I am loved. I know that I love. I also know who I am and that makes me happy.

 

5 Replies to “Tough Realizations”

  1. “I know I am loved. I know that I love. I also know who I am and that makes me happy.” Yay for knowing all those important and true things Tracy!

    But I’m going to invite you into another truth as well – you are way too wonderful to be taken for granted and worried about being dropped when you say no or set appropriate boundaries. Seriously! And it’s certainly okay to move away from relationships that aren’t reciprocal and make your heart happy. You deserve nothing less.

    I’m introverted, highly sensitive, and undoubtedly quite eccentric and I need lots of space around myself, so I understand the loner label. My world isn’t crowded with people, but those in it hold a special place and hold me that way as well. And that’s what I would like to see for you too.

    1. Deborah, do you find you have to have down time after being around a lot of people? I do. It wears me out. Part of my thing too is I am very sensitive. Friends call me the human barometer. I absorb the emotions and feelings of those around me – their energy and it affects me. Sometimes it is too much and I have had to learn how to bolster myself against it. I found certain crystals help in that regard. I feel bad for posting sort of a downer post but it was on my mind and felt good to put it out there. Thank you for your kind words and support. I truly do appreciate it. 🙂 One thing I especially appreciate about the circle of friends we make through Reverb and blogging etc… is how special these friendships are. So many of my friends are now key people in my life and I’m so blessed for it. So glad to have “met” you. 🙂

      1. I DO need down time after being with people Tracy, and I suspect you, like me, are a true introvert. People sometimes mistake that term as meaning not wanting to be with people, but what it actually means is needing to re-energize yourself with alone time. Other folks re-energize with people time. Have you done a Myers-Briggs assessment? There are some online versions available, and it can be a very helpful tool understanding yourself. Sounds like you’ve worked out some useful approaches to dealing with your sensivity (I do love our stone friends as well!), but you may want to check out the topic of Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) further as well in case some other strategies seem helpful.

        I love the freedom of a blog where we get to post exactly what we feel like, and I don’t think your post was a downer but an authentic reflection. And I totally agree – I love and appreciate connecting to fabulous new friends thanks to Reverb. So glad to have met you!

        1. Deborah, yes, I have done the Myers-Briggs and yes, I’ve read some things about HSPs. I read the book Energetic Boundaries which was enormously helpful in understanding things. In fact it was last year around the time the toxic sludge left me. It was so interesting how that all happened. Thanks for the suggestions. I agree about re-energizing and refilling the well. That is what being outside amongst the trees does for me.

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