The picture you see is one I took last weekend up at the farm. My daughter and I went for a walk outside as she wanted to hug the trees and talk to them. I felt so calm, so happy and so at peace I wanted to capture that moment.
It’s been a long time since I felt like myself. For the first time in a while I have energy, my mood is up and I feel good.
There’s been a shift. I can feel it. I almost forgot what it was like to feel peaceful and happy.
A few years ago something happened to cause me to sort of block myself off from the world. I had been playing with the idea of becoming a creativity coach. I love to encourage people. It makes me feel good to see others succeed and do well.
I reached out to someone who seemed to be floundering but my concern was not appreciated in any way, shape of form. They let me know in the most vulgar terms you can imagine where to go and what to do with myself.
This was a person I truly respected for their creative abilities. I didn’t know this person well but I hated to see them hurting and wanted to reach out. Perhaps I shouldn’t have.
This person’s email shook me to my core – quite literally. I never had anyone rail at me in such a way. I remember shaking as I read it. I broke down in the shower and then the self-doubt made its move on me and set up shop.
I wrote an apology to this person – for intruding and wished them well. That was the end of that “friendship”.
I shut down. I stopped working out. I stopped going outside for walks. I stopped a lot of things. I closed myself off from friends to an extent.
I don’t think I fully realized this until last weekend. I’m reading a book about our “energy” that we each have. Something I was reading made me think about my husband and the positive shift in his energy and how things are now looking up for him career-wise. I asked him a few questions and I realized exactly the moment his negative shift happened and things went downhill a few years ago. It was then I saw the connection to the recent surge of good things in his life.
From there, I made the connection to when things went to heck for me. Funny how a moment of clarity can bring everything into focus. It was one of those “aha” moments.
Once I realized this, it was like the wall fell away – brick by brick – it all came crumbling down. It all made sense.
I’m not saying I’m back to 100 percent. But I’m on my way.
Right now it seems like things are in alignment. We’ll see where this takes us. I’m filled with more hope than I’ve had in a very long time.