#reverb13 – Day One

How do you feel, on this first day, in your mind? In your body? In your heart? In your soul?

It’s been a long road. I wasn’t going to participate this year. Not because I don’t enjoy it or appreciate the amazing friends it has brought me. Because I do.

This has been a rough year -different from all the loss of loved ones I experienced last year.

Earlier this year my husband lost his job and for a short period of time, we were in limbo. It turned out to be a blessing in disguise, actually. And while we made the best of it, it was still a scary position to be in. Even when he found a new job, there were bills to catch up on and that puts a different sort of stress on a person.

I don’t think it really hit me until October – several months after the fact. When bad things happen, I switch into overdrive and I am the cheerleader. I’m the one who bolsters and makes sure everyone else is okay. It isn’t until the storm passes that it truly hits me.

October, it struck me down. I felt like my body was falling apart. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t focus. I was extremely fatigued and my legs felt weak. I was having panic attacks and massive bouts of anxiety – even when I would lay down to take a nap. Dreams were wretched and scary. I would cry for no reason at any time. My body felt hot internally. I felt angry and resentful and frustrated. It was awful. I would look in the mirror and not recognize my own face. It was as though I’d aged several years. It frightened me. I contemplated deleting this blog, twitter and Facebook and leaving my online presence completely. I had a hard time just walking down the block to get my daughter from the bus because I didn’t want to deal with the other moms. I just wasn’t social. At the same time I felt cut off from everyone.

At first I thought I was going through early menopause. I had blood tests taken for thyroid. That came back normal. My dear twin (my friend Brandon who is like a brother to me) studies Oriental medicine and is a Clinical Massage Therapist over at Guided Strength). He put me on a regimen of certain foods, teas etc… to help bring my body back into balance. Slowly but surely, it began to work. I meditated, rested and stopped trying to do a million things at once.

I got a Vitamin B-12 shot and that’s when I really started to feel better. I think all the things Brandon had me doing and then the shot helped bring my system back to normal. It was gradual but effective.

I’m trying to prioritize things more these days. With my little girl in school now, I have a small window of time to myself. I am focusing on my business Impsy Creative, that I have with my friend and business partner, Gwen. I’m starting to work out again – walking and kettlebells – which is a big help.

As for Reverb 13 – I only decided today to participate. My reason for being hesitant was that I just haven’t felt like I had anything noteworthy to say. I felt so depleted for so long that it sort of felt pointless to me. But as my dear friends – and you know who you are – so gently prodded me on Twitter to do it one post at a time. And that is what I will do. Maybe, just maybe the words will start to flow freely.

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It’s Reverb Time! Reverb 13 is here! Join us for a month of sharing and reflection this December! Click on the image at the top of the page. It will take you to the wonderful Kat McNally’s site where all the delicious details are to help you get started!

23 thoughts on “#reverb13 – Day One

  1. So glad you decided to join us. If it weren’t for you and a few other people that I imagine you could guess I wouldn’t have done it this time either. Let’s hope it’s just what we need to get the juices flowing.

  2. And look … they did! Bravo to you, Tracy. It’s always hard to come back after a long absences. But it’s the coming back that matters the most. I hope reverb gives you the time to meditate and reflect on all the things that happened, as it always does for me. And most of all, I’m so thrilled to be writing with you again! 🙂

  3. Pingback: Suddenly, and Again – #Reverb13 Day One | Letters from a Small State

  4. Hi there fellow Reverb Pas!
    I absolutely love this post. I also love that you’re from Wisconsin as well! I’m also going through a lot of things that sound very similar, but then again I know that I’m stressed with this insanity we call life.
    Regardless, I’m happy to hear that you’re feeling better, and that it seems as if you’re centering yourself internally which is beautiful! I can’t wait to read what’s to come!

    Mesa

  5. You found the perfect word… depleted. I feel so very similar and I almost chose to not perform in #Reverb13 for much the same reason. It is the people–like you–who make the experience worth it and that is why I am back on the bandwagon.

  6. Sounds to me like you have much that is worthy of sharing, my friend!
    Like you, I have had many positive experiences with Traditional Chinese Medicine. So glad you found what you needed to get back on track. x

    • Thanks, Kat. I’m fortunate to have a friend who knows his stuff! I am addicted to Goji Berries now and I’ve come around to liking the taste of American Ginseng! It does help. Next up on my list is acupuncture. 🙂

  7. Tracy-
    So sorry to hear of all what’s been going on, that’s a lot for one person to take on. I think, we as women, always take the brunt and put on the strong face to hold our families together during seismic shifts in our lives, then eventually it takes its tole on our systems.
    I’m glad that everything is working out-God would never let you deal with difficult times any longer than He knows you have the strength for!
    I’m glad to hear you’re back to the bells-they’ve always been my saving grace during stressful times! You know I’m always a phone call away and, for that fact, just a few miles down the road!
    May peace be in your heart this blessed day!

    • Thank you, Diana. I know you had your own stuff going on and didn’t want to bother you. To be perfectly honest. I haven’t (until now) – seriously picked up a kettlebell since we had our session together back in April. Jess lost his job right after that and I was consumed with taking care of everyone else. I am ashamed. But I’m working on it. As soon as I kick this nasty virus I picked up – been sick since Thanksgiving, I will be back in full swing (pun intended). I know I commented on Tracy’s blog and she mentioned a butt kicking or spanking LOL! I need it. Thank you for your friendship. I definitely want to get together again when we can. With pumpkin in school only three hours a day, it’s hard to go anywhere. But we’ll figure something out. 🙂 Hugs.

      • Never be ashamed! You’ve just been thrown off course for a short time! When the dust settles, you will do what you can and it will come back!
        I would LOVE to get together for another session! I’m going to be only working weekends soon, so having M-F off will be my chance to do some “visiting”! I’d love to see you!
        Don’t ever think just because I have “things” going on in my life, I won’t have time for friends!

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