How do you feel, on this first day, in your mind? In your body? In your heart? In your soul?
It’s been a long road. I wasn’t going to participate this year. Not because I don’t enjoy it or appreciate the amazing friends it has brought me. Because I do.
This has been a rough year -different from all the loss of loved ones I experienced last year.
Earlier this year my husband lost his job and for a short period of time, we were in limbo. It turned out to be a blessing in disguise, actually. And while we made the best of it, it was still a scary position to be in. Even when he found a new job, there were bills to catch up on and that puts a different sort of stress on a person.
I don’t think it really hit me until October – several months after the fact. When bad things happen, I switch into overdrive and I am the cheerleader. I’m the one who bolsters and makes sure everyone else is okay. It isn’t until the storm passes that it truly hits me.
October, it struck me down. I felt like my body was falling apart. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t focus. I was extremely fatigued and my legs felt weak. I was having panic attacks and massive bouts of anxiety – even when I would lay down to take a nap. Dreams were wretched and scary. I would cry for no reason at any time. My body felt hot internally. I felt angry and resentful and frustrated. It was awful. I would look in the mirror and not recognize my own face. It was as though I’d aged several years. It frightened me. I contemplated deleting this blog, twitter and Facebook and leaving my online presence completely. I had a hard time just walking down the block to get my daughter from the bus because I didn’t want to deal with the other moms. I just wasn’t social. At the same time I felt cut off from everyone.
At first I thought I was going through early menopause. I had blood tests taken for thyroid. That came back normal. My dear twin (my friend Brandon who is like a brother to me) studies Oriental medicine and is a Clinical Massage Therapist over at Guided Strength). He put me on a regimen of certain foods, teas etc… to help bring my body back into balance. Slowly but surely, it began to work. I meditated, rested and stopped trying to do a million things at once.
I got a Vitamin B-12 shot and that’s when I really started to feel better. I think all the things Brandon had me doing and then the shot helped bring my system back to normal. It was gradual but effective.
I’m trying to prioritize things more these days. With my little girl in school now, I have a small window of time to myself. I am focusing on my business Impsy Creative, that I have with my friend and business partner, Gwen. I’m starting to work out again – walking and kettlebells – which is a big help.
As for Reverb 13 – I only decided today to participate. My reason for being hesitant was that I just haven’t felt like I had anything noteworthy to say. I felt so depleted for so long that it sort of felt pointless to me. But as my dear friends – and you know who you are – so gently prodded me on Twitter to do it one post at a time. And that is what I will do. Maybe, just maybe the words will start to flow freely.
It’s Reverb Time! Reverb 13 is here! Join us for a month of sharing and reflection this December! Click on the image at the top of the page. It will take you to the wonderful Kat McNally’s site where all the delicious details are to help you get started!