The Void

Me

Copyright 2013 Tracy A. Mangold

I’m having one of those spells where I don’t care to write, read, or create anything.

I feel empty – creatively speaking. Truth is I have for quite a long time.

Writing feels forced and I question whether I have anything original to put out there or if I truly want to put anything out there.

For too long I have been feeling this pressure (self-imposed) to create this, do that and frankly, it is exhausting and frustrating.

I’m tired. Not in the “I’m-so-tired-and-I-must-take-a-nap” way, just in the “I-don’t-want-to-think-or-do-anything” sort of way.

I like to do too many things. I love learning as much as I can about everything that I can and sometimes that is a curse.

Sometimes it makes it damn near impossible to figure out what I was meant to do in this life. Trying to narrow down my “niche” is more aggravating than revealing to me.

Maybe that is my problem. Maybe there are too many things and they are getting in the way of what I truly love. I tend to get overwhelmed by too much stimulation (and yet I crave it) Ask anyone who has visited a museum with me. They know. I can never focus on just one thing.

I know I need to figure this all out. It used to be quite easy.

Music and writing were my two things. They were my identity. Emphasis on were.

So who am I now – aside from being a mom and wife?

11 thoughts on “The Void

  1. I can certainly relate. I finally picked up my pencils on Sunday, after almost two months. It’s hard to find the creative spark when worry crowds your mind. Hopefully, now that things have settled down some, you will be able to refocus and find an inspiration.

    Love to you, my friend. I miss you!

    • I hope so too. My mind is full but it is like a bottleneck where everything is clogged and I am unable to shake it loose. Hopefully that will change. LOL. It makes me smile to think you are drawing again. πŸ™‚ Love to you as well.

    • Oh thanks, Stacey. I do have things for me. I didn’t mean for it to come across that I didn’t. I am just feeling a wee bit stagnate. Jess lost his job in May and just recently went back to work at a new job. It has been a rough few months. My mind is splintered to some degree and there are other things. I’ll be fine. I just needed to vent which usually does help me out quite a bit. You have your niche in writing romance. I am still trying to find my “voice” if you will. It is still a struggle several years later – now trying to turn off the “news style writing” from writing for television news and press releases, marketing materials to writing fiction. LOL. It will come.

  2. Hi Tracy, YOU ARE IMPORTANT. Focus on something you really enjoy doing – one thing and do it. Easier said then done but worth a try. You are talented in many areas but need to focus on just one. I wish I had your talents and abilities.
    Love you, Mom

  3. So I’ve had this open for a while and have been thinking off and on about what to say about it, because getting past slow periods is crucial to creative people. I also think that even the biggest and most popular personal blogs struggle with staying true to their purpose while still being original.

    It’s wonderful that you’re seeing yourself from the outside right now. There is a lot of pressure put on us to have super fulfilling lives and to not miss out. But I just don’t see how peace is going to snake its way into my life if I keep crowding it out with obligations and pressure, especially when in the end most of it is not going to have made a real difference.

    Bah, I have made this comment about me, because you know this is what I’m best at πŸ™‚ Sorry! I wish you so much luck with this. I know it’s hard. But look at all these comments and this support! You will get it. I’m sure of it.

    • Don’t apologize! I totally understand where you are coming from! That’s how we relate – by digging into our own drawer of understanding and experience. I love it because it does help and it does make it easier to see through the trees. You totally get what I am saying. And as always, I appreciate and love you for it.

  4. Cast your cares!
    I agree with your Mom! Don’t fret on what to do, which to do, when to do it, etc…..
    Let God lead you to the path that will let your gifts shine and be a blessing !

    However, in terms of kettlebells…..do them often! πŸ˜‰

  5. You’ve put into words what many of us experience. It always feels frustrating and uncomfortable when you’re in the throws of it but you will come out the other side. Just follow your heart, take time where you need it and be yourself.

  6. I go through these spells when I feel like everything I do is hollow and meaningless. When you come out the far side, you might realize that it was just a phase, or you might find something new to give you meaning.

    Either way, know that you are more than what you create.

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