#Reverb11: One Word (December 1st)

One Word. Encapsulate the year 2011 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word.
Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2012 for you?

____________________________________________________________________________________________

Gallimaufry. That’s my one word for this year. This year of 2011 has been a hodgepodge – a gallimaufry of ups and downs, of highs and lows – just one big jumble of emotions.

It didn’t start out that way. This year began on a high note. I was, as I usually am when January rolls around, filled with excitement and armed with a cadre of new books and ideas as to how I was going to handle this shiny, unblemished new year.

Things were going well. Until March. My husband started a new job and this new job which we thought would be “more” was less – much less than he imagined it to be and rather than being a good thing, it has and continues to be a source of intense stress for him. And of course, I worry as I am a worrier. It’s part of what I do. Since March, the stress has slowly been building. Things are great between us. It’s just  – I think we feel like we are continually treading water, going nowhere rather than doing something productive with our lives. It sort of snowballed into the rest of the year.

I started using kettlebells on January 17th and was hot and heavy until mid-summer or around the time we moved the office into the back bedroom. Then everything – all my progress just sort of halted. I remedied that (or am trying to) today.

It hasn’t been all bad. There have been a lot of laughs, much love and good friends and family. We do love our life. It’s just we aren’t where we thought we would be at this point in our life. I’m not talking materialistically.

Looking back at Reverb10, I had chosen the word “Joy” for 2011 and unfortunately, it has really been anything but that. Sure, there are moments of joy. But it is not the sort of joy that is everlasting.

Another word might be, tired. I’m plain tuckered out and ready for this year to be over. I hate wishing my life away. I’m tired of do-gooders who say to chin up and think positively. I try. I try. I try. But that only gets you so far.

One year from today, I hope my word will be “contentment”.

0 thoughts on “#Reverb11: One Word (December 1st)

  1. I love how honest this post is, Tracy. The year was tough and you put it out there, which hopefully will allow 2012 will bring all the contentment you desire (and deserve)! Hugs to you!

    • We both had a tough year did we not? *Sigh. Hugs to you as well, Noel. I know you are due for greatness – wonderful things. Deservedly so! Thank you as always for your support. Love!

  2. I know that feeling of “tired”. I’ve been there! That was my 2010 and it can be so hard to see into the present tense. (I sometimes want to throw rocks at do-gooders.) What I really wanted someone to say was, “I’m sorry.”

    I’m sorry. I hope contentment comes.

    • Thank you. It’s true. That IS all I want to hear sometimes. I don’t want to hear well, if you did this or that. I just want someone to say, I’m sorry you’re feeling this way or this is happening and then hug me. sometimes that is all that is necessary. Thank you for that. Thank you. 🙂 I hope your year is full of blessings.

  3. You are so smart, sweetheart. You once said something to me about not being able to just decide on happiness–that parts of it are always outside of our control, and that has stayed with me for a while. And I think that reading about joy is nice, but the everyday struggle–not the huge mountains, but the racetrack where we run two steps, hit a hurdle, and run two steps before the next hurdle–that’s the one that’s most interesting to me, and most likely to reveal the true person inside.

    Loving you much.

    • It is more interesting and I wouldn’t trade my life for anything. I think we’re most frustrated with ourselves. I know Jess is with himself for making decisions that he thinks only make things worse when he is trying to make things better. He tries so hard and I’m frustrated with the universe for not acknowledging his efforts and shining down on him with grace. I hurt for him and am frustrated that I can’t change things and MAKE them better myself. My hands are tied in many ways. It hurts my soul. But things could be worse and I am grateful for much. Very much. Loving you much too, my friend. HUGS. And thank you!

    • As are you! I like that word even if my post was a little on the downside. Thank you, Beth for your comments and compliment. 🙂

  4. I cannot help but say that the only joy in life is small ones, until you build up enough of them that suddenly you have big joy. Its a jar of pennies. On their own, they are little, but all together, they can add up to a fortune.

    You’re just building your fortune right now. Keep trying. You’ll succeed.

    • That makes a lot of sense. And I agree. It’s hard to see the forest through the trees sometimes. Usually I’m the upbeat one but lately, it’s been more difficult. But I am trying. Thank you for stopping by! I appreciate it and your kind words.

  5. “I’m tired of do-gooders who say to chin up and think positively. I try. I try. I try. But that only gets you so far.”

    one of my greatest pet peeves. from one person who suffered a shitty 2011 to another: i hope you get what you want for the next year.

  6. the good thing is, you are about to be handed and entire new year to do something new with. My hope word for this year was balance, I think my 2010 was a lot like your 2011, and my word this year is love… so hang on, change is just around the corner (although it usually needs a push)

  7. And this is why you’re so dear to us all, Tracy. You let it out, the realness of it (and you word to describe your year is just perfect; so you.)

    I completely agree with Kim that it’s the nitty-gritty, the day-to-day; the trials and tribulations that make a person and for me, are infinitely more interesting to discover. We adore you. I hope you know that.

    • And I adore you as well, Onyi. I know I’ve fallen behind on my blog readings and commenting. But I’m still here and still a humungous admirer of your talent, your wisdom and your blessed snark. I love it! You have attitude that I wish I had. I’m so glad that you are in my life. Love Love Love!

  8. Tracy, I appreciate the way that you are able to see the realness of everything without obliterating life. The disasters do not break us and the bright times do not wipe out the darker ones. You bring such honesty and delicacy to everything. Stereo already said it, but let me repeat it: You know we adore you, right? And that we’re rooting so, so hard for contentment…

    • I wish contentment for us all. I love you all dearly and you all helped me through this year. I don’t have it nearly as bad as many others, I realize that and I am thankful for my blessings. It helps to put things out there and just share. Thank you for being a constant in my life, Roxanne. Much love to you!

  9. I whole-heartedly hope that one day we’ll have the opportunity to sit together, with a cup of tea, and chat. A hug would be wonderful, too. I am so grateful that this year brought me to you. Your words always reassure me, remind me that we’re all in this together: the struggles and the triumphs.

    I have not been as open as you have been with my own struggles, but I gather a lot of courage from you and hope to break out a bit throughout the next month and the upcoming year.

    Contentment will come, so will joy. Sending you so much love.

    • I do too, Mary! I do too! We will. We must believe that! I hope you are okay. If you ever need to talk, I am always here. Always. I look forward to the next year and I am eternally grateful for your friendship. Thank you.

  10. Tracy,

    You are a kick ass lady with a kick ass dude. I’m sure that you guys will get it figured out soon, and everything will be fluffy and colorful! Like snow that got mixed with fruity pebbles.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *