…I’ll never understand. On one hand, I hate change. On the other hand I love change, that is when it comes to rearranging my living room, my kitchen, changing my hair or my blog. It doesn’t really make sense, I know. Maybe the desire to make small changes is my way of compensating for my inability or rather, my reluctance to make big changes in my life?
I’m reading The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown, Ph.D.. Something she wrote about – which she referred to as “life paralysis” -the idea that we miss out on certain opportunities in our life because of the fear of imperfection, disappointing others, failing and or making mistakes, really resonated with me – in the same way Sir Ken Robinson’s book, “The Element” hit me right between the eyes. It’s true. I have been paralyzed in the way I live my life. I know all the things I can do – all the things of which I’m capable – but it is the actuality of carrying them out, bringing my dreams to fruition, that escape me and only because I ALLOW them to.
I do have dreams. I do have goals. I do have aspirations and ambition. But I lack follow through. I lack initiative. Why? Because I. AM. AFRAID. I don’t know how to get over this fear. It is so ingrained in me. I know it is possible to overcome. I know that. But accepting that is another story. I have to make a change. I have to conquer that fear and erase it. I have to get out there and make my dreams come true. (Great, now I have the theme song from Laverne & Shirley playing in my head…not that that is a bad thing as I really like that show…)
I’m 38 years old. I’ve come by everything LATER in my life – college, my marriage, my child…so I do know it isn’t too late. It’s never too late. I take comfort in that but at some point I have to get off my backside and stop being comfortable and put myself out there – whether I fail or not, whether others like what I do or me or not. I have to finally be able to stand tall and say, WHO CARES?
I’ll let you know when I get to that point. I am working on it. Baby steps. Baby steps.