This last Christmas as I was sitting at my Uncles’, watching football and thinking about-well, nothing really, the word “resolve” popped into my head. I knew then that resolve would be my word for 2011. Why? I had been pondering what my word for 2011 should be especially after writing about it a few weeks earlier as it was the first of the Reverb 10 prompts in December. I think I chose the word, “joy” for my word in 2011. And I still want that to be one of my words for this new year, but I do believe the word resolve must be included because without it, joy might not be possible.
One definition of resolve, according to Dictionary.com is, “firmness of purpose or intent; determination.” That is what I need and I realize it is up to me to activate my resolve.
Resolve for what? Well to begin with, I presently lack a sense of resolve. I once had a great relationship with this word but lately, the last few years, it has become a stranger to me. I have seemingly lost my purpose, my determination. The muscles that once supported my strength of will have gone limp from lack of use.
This year I am determined to firm them back up and be stronger than ever in my sense of resolve over all aspects of my life. It’s easier said than done. I realize that. I have a long, dusty road of travel ahead of me and there is no better time than the present to get started.
My (working) list of things I need to aim my resolve at – in no particular order:
1. My writing. I need to focus and actually sit down and write. Just stop with the procrastinating and the fear and just write.
2. My workouts/running. I’ve lost my drive to work up a sweat. Not sure why but I need to get it back. I know how great I feel after a good workout. I need to grab that feeling and hold on to it for dear life.
3. My attitude. Frankly, it sucks. I’m trying to be positive. I’m trying to be excited about things again. It’s a daily thing. I’m getting better, but it is a constant process.
4. My freelance writing business. I’ve been really negligent where my business is concerned. I need to let go of the past and focus on what I can do to make it(my business) successful.
5. Financial. This is an area of weakness for me that I have ALWAYS had. I need to be better about saving money and avoid frivolous spending.
6. Contentment. I need to relax and allow myself to be in the moment and present at all times. I keep thinking of all the things I’m not doing. Things I should be doing. Things I need to get done, should get done, must get done. But do they really? I need to just chill out and enjoy the moment I am in right this minute.
7. Me. I need to just accept myself as I am. I have to stop being so critical of myself all the time. Why can’t I just be happy with me. I know what and who I am but I let the doubts creep in and sabotage me. I need to realize I am healthy and that a bloody number does not define me. People love me for me and that should be good enough. I also need to get over my fear of failure.
There are others but for right now, that is what I have. I know I have been over this a bit in my Reverb 10 prompts from December but this is me outlining the things I should be doing and how I hope, plan, need to implement my resolve this year.
That is my resolve. What’s yours?