December 20 – Beyond Avoidance
What should you have done this year but didn’t because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?)
(Author: Jake Nickell)
Oh sure, I’ve written things. I’ve written here on my blog and pitter-pattered about my novel, a couple short stories, and poetry, of course, but I have not fully committed to writing as I really should. And it’s not just this year. I do this year after year after year.
Why? I’m one part afraid, one part unsure, two parts lazy. It makes no sense really because writing is something that comes easily to me. Time ceases to exist when I write. It is something I love but for some reason, I also view it as that really decadent box of chocolates that one resists eating because it is just too “beautiful”, you know? Not that I am saying my writing is beautiful but like the chocolates, I would rather imagine how it is or the even just possibility of it because sometimes the idea of something is more powerful than the reality of it. I hope that makes sense.
And maybe it is because I feel as long as those ideas are in my head or partially committed to paper, they are still in some ways perfect in their form and once they are “out there” they will somehow be less than I anticipated – perhaps even disappointing.
Writing, to me, is incredibly personal. To write is to put my soul on display for all to see. It is to unhinge the mind, crack it open and allow the world a glimpse into my thoughts and the way my brain works. That’s a scary thing. Some may love what I have to say while others will inevitably find fault with it and perhaps even hate it. Do I have strong enough skin for that? I guess it comes back to the idea of JUST doing and not caring what others think but rather DOING for myself and letting the chips fall where they may.
I know I will do it. You’re damned right I will. I know I will finish my novel. It haunts me, it beckons me, it IS me. I can’t NOT write it.
Just like everything else that sidetracks me, I just need to get out of my own way and write. Just. Write.