The Pain of Loss

We wake up.  We get up.  We shower, eat, have that cup of coffee and then we are on our way.  We don’t really think about the tiny details of each hour, each minute, each second of each day unless time is of the essence.  Then, it is as if a gigantic magnifying glass has been positioned on us, thrusting each tortuous tick of time in our face.  That is when we notice it.  That’s when we suddenly realize time, see time, feel time, experience time.  Whether we like it or not, it’s a constant movement – a perpetual progression.  There are no steps back – no freeze tag in time.  It just keeps on going on and on and on whether we are “there” for the ride or not.

When our time on earth dwindles down to the final moments, what are we thinking? Are we agonizing over the things we did not do or are we content? What about those of us who are left behind – have we done all we can do to make the most of our moments with loved ones and friends?

Then there’s the waiting.  The wondering.  The question of not if but when.  The finality of it all.  The finality of the one leaving us behind – their finality here on earth with desperate hopes to dear God that one day, we will be together once again.  That one day we will embrace each other and feel our loved one’s breath upon our cheek, hear our name fall off their tongue. Hear the laugh that is uniquely theirs and see their love for us in their eyes.

The pain.  The wretched pain of loss – of impending loss.  Sometimes that is worse than the actual loss itself because we know it is coming and we know there is nothing we can do to stop it.  We are helpless.  All we can do is sit idly by and wait.  As much as we don’t want to be waiting, that’s what we are doing – waiting until those precious hours, minutes, seconds evaporate and with one final breath – they are gone.  They are but a memory – painfully fresh in our mind.  As we process their absence, we grasp for those last real moments we had with them, that final conversation, that final good bye that was not final at the time. Until it was.  Momentary relief that the waiting is over, the pain is gone – at least for them.  For us, the pain of loss is raw – too real.  Time indeed has stopped – or so it seems.   And then with a heave, it lurches on.  Our solace is in the memories of their life and the legacy they left behind in those of us who were blessed enough to know and be loved by them.

Goodbye, Grandpa.  Thank you for blessing us with your life.  We love you and we miss you.

0 thoughts on “The Pain of Loss

  1. I’m so sorry for your loss, Tracy. It sounds like he had a major impact on your life. May your memories and your hope of the hereafter carry you.

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